For you I prepared several videos on anger management. They are brief to get your attention focus like a laser beam.
Anger is a misunderstood emotion. Even health professionals want to erase or eliminate it. As if anger is to be denied or buried deep inside us. I disagree.
Let me explain:
Feeling angry is O.K. At the same time, learning to be the master of our emotions rather than their slave makes us winners. It is the way we express anger that may work against us and even get us into trouble.
Look at the anger-prone people you know. Usually they have a low tolerance to frustration. They have issues with what is fair and what is not. They jump to conclusions and say things like: I knew it….didnt you see, he did it on purpose to get me angry. They have black-and-white thinking, so it is either good or it is totally bad. They are rigid and say: he should have never done that to me or this is the right way of doing it. Usually they mean my way or no way. They feel entitled: I am right”, they should listen to me “stupid bastards”.
Now hold the mirror of reality to you. What do you say to yourself in situations where your anger buttons are pushed? As a communications facilitator I am most interested in what you say to yourself when angry. How is that? Well. Your self-talk defines your world.
Your personal filters will decide what you hear and what you see. Do not assume that you have 20/20 perfect interpretation of situations. What you see is not always what it is.
A patient of mine felt rejected when her boss didnt praise her for the hard work she did on a project. Jumping to conclusions and exaggerating, she said to herself: I work like a slave and what I get in return! Then she would sulk at work or report sick. Co-workers saw her as a lazy no good parasite. She almost lost her job. The human resources department sent her to me for private consults. In therapy she kept records on situations. She challenged her exaggerated and one-sided perceptions. Seeing the world from the perspective of the other, too, helped her say to herself: off! My boss is in terrible shape, he must be under a lot of pressure today Ill go and talk to him calmly about this when he is more relaxed. She learned assertion skills and let go of her passive aggressive habit of sulking she stopped taking sick days for the wrong reason to punish her boss!
I know that when my anger buttons are pushed -real or imagined due to my filters- I usually say to myself: dont get mad, get focused! This symbol focus comes from the sign language of the deaf. Use this symbol will you. It is a quick reminder. Dont get mad get focused. This makes me take a deep breath or two, slow down my reactions, and distance myself from the situation emotionally – as much as I can, of course – also, when angry I try not to blurt out the first thing that comes to my mind. Once out of your mouth, pulling your words back is as difficult as putting toothpaste back into the tube!
You see, I listen to my videos. Listen to them often. They are good reminders.
And now lets go to the next video on anger.
See you soon,
Dr. Louise Aznavour
Psychologist = Solution Oriented Coaching =
+1 (514) 983-8309
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